I’m sitting on the fallen oak, the sun on my face. I’m protected here from the wind, a bare-twigged hedge of elder and hawthorn rears high behind me.
From here I can see the line of the Sor Brook, with its alders. One of my favourite oaks is in the middle of the line. I can’t see them from here, but I know that below the oak are the long blue spears of nascent daffodil bulbs, in amongst the Herb Robert. There are no flowers yet, but they will come.
My legs are hot and I’m sleepy from getting up early to write. It has been an endlessly grey week, filled with self-doubt and cold bones, deleted paragraphs and stunted scenes. But now the blackness has dissipated, dissolved, despite my Prosecco head.
My finger nails are dirty from digging. Earlier, I moved my fruit bushes, tackled my middle veg bed. I worked steadily, methodically, turning the earth, twitching free the weeds.
Now, on my oak, I blink slowly. There are midges in a cloud to my left, each a tiny conductor for a silent bug symphony. I can hear the faint cry of sheep, the frantic snuffle-pause-pounce of Pants voling. Dora is by the side of me, leaning against my thigh. Her ears twitch, ready to dive in and snatch Pants’ prize.
There are a pair of bonking woodpigeons, flapping frantically in the next oak down. A kite browses the land further down the valley, but the pigeons are oblivious to everything but the demands of hot blood, Spring sun. I look down the hill, along the line of the margin on which I’m sat. Above the bleached debris of last summer is the faintest shimmer of heat haze.
Recently, I had a conversation with a friend about mindful happiness, and how difficult she believed it was to achieve. She tells me that I must fight to define the moment; cup it, keep it, as if it’s something wild, unpredictable and must, above all else, be controlled.
I think she’s wrong. I lean back on the oak in Dave’s field-below-the dryer, tip up my chin, close my eyes. My t-shirt has risen up, and I feel the cool air on my skin. I imagine my pale sickle of winter-weight belly, secretly snaffling sun-light. I breathe in, breathe out.
Here is happiness. Right here. Right now.
Reblogged this on TheHorleyViews.com and commented:
Mindfulness is being transported by Carlie’s words, so now I’m sitting there in that moment, feeling the sun whilst listening to wood pigeons do there thing!
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Reblogged this on Debra Fox and commented:
No need to search the world for happiness you have all you need at home if you take the time to stop and notice it, thx Carlie ……just be, right here, right now
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Oh I absolutely agree. I always feel my most happy when I’m outside, enjoying the sun, or whatever the weather throws at me, seeing flashes of yellow fly out the hedgerows, seeing the red kite soar above me. Gorgeous post, as ever.
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Hello both! So simple, but sometimes just so bloody hard to remember. Fingers crossed for more sun this week…
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I love your blog!! Endless grey and self doubt just make the moments brighter when they happen… Hope your horrible fox has kept away. Roll on summer! x
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Lovely writing. I really like ‘pale sickle of winter-weight belly’.
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