On Walking: 27th September

I’m trespassing, along the margins of a crop that last week was barely more than seedlings. It’s stubble turnips, for sheep, and now the leaves curl like tongues above the bridge of my boot.

I like this field, it has lemon-yellow toadflax in it and a small neat peachy flower called (fabulously) scarlet pimpernel. There’s a wide swag of wildness across the top, and we’re walking beneath it, looking up at blonde grasses taller than me. The hogwart skeletons are laced and beautiful against the blue of the sky. Today is the sort of day that refills my happiness banks, far quicker than they can ever be depleted. Which is a good job, because earlier, I heard back from an agent who had my book, and it was a no. A nice no.

When an agent turns you down, it’s a relief, meaning I can be disappointed and get it over with. It’s the anticipation of the disappointment that’s so horrid – the bit where you peer over the edge of the balloon, and imagine the fall.

But recently, I’ve learnt something from my teenage daughters, the way they are with ponies and their dream of having one for their own. They fall passionately in hope, then once the pony’s proved unsuitable (too loopy, too small, too much money), they’re quiet for a bit, then out comes Horse and Hound or Pony Mag, and they start looking for the next one.

Their determination is rock-solid, they’ve saved every penny from baby-sitting and dog-walking and lizard-wrangling. Their complete faith that it will happen, that they’ll find their pony, makes my heart afraid for them. Their budget is so small, their dreams are so big. But they’re so inspiring, and the reason why I’ll be re-writing my synopsis and intro letter. Why I’ll start trawling agent websites and blogs and Twitter hashtags.

According to my daughters, there’s always another chance for  hope.

Re-filling the banks of happiness.

Author: mrscarlielee

Mother. Writer. Wearer of frocks with wellies. Loves Dancing, Frivolity and Good Books. Tweet @MrsCarlieLee

One thought on “On Walking: 27th September”

  1. When you are ready, I can show you how to publish your books. The three-pronged attack is eBook, paperback and audiobook. I have spent four years teaching myself how to do all these things — and I started from scratched. I have skinned my knuckles and banged my head and shed the occasional tear, but I never gave up. If your dream is to follow the agent-publisher route, then ignore me and push on. I ache to read your blog post that says you have found someone bright enough/brave enough to recognise your talent. On the other hand, if you want your books to be available to your family and friends and those of us who have discovered your amazing ability to paint with words, then be aware that you are alive in an era when all of that is possible. I’m not pretending that the task ahead is not daunting, because it is. The question is, how much do you want that pony? Terry.


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